SUPER MARITAL SEX: WHAT CAN CAUSE SEXUAL DISTRESS?
DYSCOMMUNICATION: Breakdown in verbal and emotional communication can also block super marital sex. Dyscommunica-tion is inaccurate communication. Malcommunication is hurtful communication. Discommunication is communication without mutually shared purpose. Acommunication is no communication at all. Hypercommunication is overemphasis on intellectual and verbal communication in the absence of emotional sharing. Vulnerable sharing of feelings is effective Communication, the seventh key to super marital sex.
OUT OF CONTEXT: Sexual interaction out of the context of loving, sharing, and mutual concern for partner, as a negotiation, trade-off, even payback destroys any chance for super marital sex. Loving Context is the eighth key to super marital sex.
IATROGENIC PROBLEMS: Physician-caused problems, through misinformation, fear, or refusal or inability to raise and answer sex questions can remain a lifelong handicap to sexual fulfillment for the patient encountering such a physician. Responsive, comfortable, knowledgeable professionals are the ninth key to super marital sex.
POOR GENERAL HEALTH: Running too hot (hostile-competitive-impatient) or too cold (depressed-inadequate-passive) or having untreated health problems can prevent sexual fulfillment. Good overall holistic health is the tenth key to super marital sex.
SEXISM: Relating any element of the sexual-response system to preassigned sex roles for either gender imposes artificial and destructive limits on sexual intimacy. Androgynous, nonsexist life orientation is the eleventh key to super marital sex.
SEXUAL ANESTHESIA: Closing ourselves to incoming stimulation from multiple sources, including sensory, extrasensory, physical, emotional, and cognitive stimuli, limits sexual sensitivity. Sensuality is openness to the sending and receiving of a wide range of stimulation. Broad, holistic sensuality is the twelfth key to super marital sex.
All marriages experience some of these problems sometimes. Being aware of the potential for such problems and of the difficulty in achieving and maintaining super marital sex is one major step to mobilizing marital strength to solve these problems. I will present a very special “thirteenth key” to super marital sex in Chapter Twelve, but for now, use the twelve keys above to open the door to your own super sex.
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